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Background:
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Baja LasVegastan was founded on Monday, October 31, 4004 BC -- the
Ninth Day.
God commanded the
creation of
the universe on Sunday, October 23, 4004 BC, the First Day.
God created Jim-Bob the First, Adam, and Eve
on the Sixth Day -- Friday the 28th. On the Seventh Day (Saturday,
the 29th), all four of them rested:
- God,
- Jim-Bob the First,
- Adam,
and
- Eve.
On the Eighth Day (Sunday, the 30th), Satan deceived Adam and
Eve -- but was not capable of deceiving Jim-Bob the First, a
creature of greater power.
On the following day, the Ninth Day, Monday, October 31, 4004 BC,
"in the cool of the day" (that is, early morning), God discovered
the deception and expelled Adam and Eve to the Middle East. He gave
sovereignty over the badlands -- everything other than The
Garden of Eden -- to them. He gave sovereignty over The Garden of Eden to
Jim-Bob the First, as a reward for having resisted Satan. (The Book of
Genesis was written by Adam, and -- out of embarrassment -- omits
any mention of Jim-Bob the First and of his superior abilities in
resisting temptation.)
"Someday," said God to Jim-Bob the First, "I will create a city
across the mountains, in the high desert. The Spaniards will call it
'Alta Las Vegas', and the Americans will turn it into a place of
gambling and debauchery. Knowing this, O Sovereign of The Garden, would you like to rename
The Garden?". So Jim-Bob the First renamed it "The Benevolent
Dictatorship of Baja LasVegastan", and he named himself Benevolent
Dictator, all in accordance with God's command.
Three thousand years later, on October 31, 1004 BC, Jim-Bob the
First ascended into heaven without death, as commanded by God. Three
thousand years after that, on October 31, 1996 AD, his successor --
Jim-Bob the Second -- likewise ascended into heaven without death,
as commanded by God.
Perhaps, three thousand years after that, on October 31, 4996 AD,
God will command Jim-Bob the Third, the current Benevolent Dictator,
to ascend into heaven without death; and perhaps God will command
the destruction of the universe when this happens.
Or perhaps not. No man knows what God will command. The wise man
obeys God's commands as they come. He does not attempt to predict
God's commands, nor does he attempt to suggest to God what they
should be.
Since the enthronement of Jim-Bob the Second in 1004 BC, the surrounding
badlands have been occupied (in succession) by the Acjachemens, the
Spaniards, the Mexicans, and the Americans. None of them has noticed
that Baja LasVegastan even exists.
These aren't
the lands we want to conquer has been their attitude. Indeed,
the Americans (the current sovereign of the surrounding badlands) regard "Tom Streeter"
(the current nom de la vie of Jim-Bob the Third) as a US citizen
(born in late July), and
pays him benefits as a disabled US Army veteran. As an homage to the success
of this deceit, Jim-Bob the Third celebrates "Baja LasVegastan
Independence Day" in late July rather than in late October. |
