Baja LasVegastan was
founded on Monday, October 31, 4004 BC -- the Ninth Day, according to the proleptic Julian calendar.
God commanded the creation
of the universe on Sunday, October 23, 4004 BC, the First Day.
On the Sixth Day (Friday the 28th), God created Jim-Bob the First, Adam, Eve, and Satan.
On the Seventh Day
(Saturday, the 29th), all five of them rested:
Jim-Bob the First,
- Eve, and
On the Eighth Day
(Sunday, the 30th), Satan deceived Adam and Eve -- but was not
capable of deceiving Jim-Bob the First, a creature of greater power.
Ninth Day (Monday, October 31, 4004 BC), "in the cool of the day" (that
is, early morning), God discovered the deception and expelled
Adam and Eve to the badlands.
That same Ninth Day, God gave sovereignty over
The Garden of Eden to Jim-Bob the First, as a reward for having
resisted Satan. (The Book of Genesis was written by Adam, and -- out
of embarrassment -- omits any mention of Jim-Bob the First and of his
superior abilities in resisting temptation.)
Also on that same Ninth Day, God gave vassalage over
the badlands -- everything other than The Garden of Eden -- to Adam
and Eve, under the suzerainty of Jim-Bob the First. This began, of course, with the badlands of the Middle East
-- but continued to all of the other badlands on the planet, of which
there are plenty. A very good example of "badlands, big time" is Plainfield, New Jersey,
in either February or August. Badlands. Big time.
God to Jim-Bob the First on that Ninth Day, October 31, 4004 BC, "I will create a city across the
mountains, in the high desert. Spain will call it 'Alta
Las Vegas', and the USA will turn it into a place of gambling
and debauchery. Knowing this, O Sovereign of The Garden, would you
like to rename The Garden?". So Jim-Bob the First renamed it
"The Benevolent Dictatorship of Baja LasVegastan",
and he named himself Benevolent Dictator, all in accordance with
Three thousand years
later, on October 31, 1004 BC, Jim-Bob the First ascended into heaven
without death, as commanded by God; and God enthroned Jim-Bob the Second.
Three thousand years after that was in 1997 AD, and not in 1996 AD, since there was no "year 0" between 1 BC and 1 AD. In 1997 AD, Jim-Bob the Second
likewise ascended into heaven without death, as commanded by God; and God enthroned Jim-Bob the Third.
God had replaced the Julian calendar with the Gregorian calendar in
1582 AD, a conversion was required for the date of the founding of
the Benevolent Dictatorship. The Ninth Day -- according to the
proleptic Julian calendar ("O.S.", or "Old Style") -- was October
31, 4004 BC. According to the proleptic Gregorian calendar
("N.S.", or "New Style"), the Ninth Day was September 21, 4004 BC.
therefore commanded that September 21 be the National Day of Baja
LasVegastan for all years after 1582 AD. Indeed, God enthroned Jim-Bob
the Third on September 21, 1997 AD -- and not on Halloween of that
Perhaps, three thousand
years after that -- that is, on September 21, 4997 AD -- God will command Jim-Bob
the Third to follow Jim-Bobs the First and Second into heaven
without death. Perhaps God will then also command the destruction of the
Or perhaps not. No man
knows what God will command. The wise man obeys God's commands as
they come. He does not attempt to predict God's commands, nor does he
attempt to suggest to God what they should be.
Since the enthronement of
Jim-Bob the Second in 1004 BC, the surrounding badlands have been
occupied (in succession) by the Acjachemen tribe, Spain,
Mexico, and the USA. All have acknowledged the Benevolent Dictator's suzerainty and all have paid tribute to him.
Indeed, the USA (the current vassal over the surrounding
badlands) has been snookered into regarding "Tom Streeter" (the nom de baja which Jim-Bob the Third has chosen for his earthly incarnation) as a USA citizen (born in July). It
therefore denominates its tribute to him (but only for internal
accounting purposes) as "benefits to a disabled USA Army veteran",
"social security", and "IRA withdrawals".
As an homage to
the success of this deceit, Jim-Bob the Third celebrates
"Baja LasVegastan Independence Day" on the Third Sunday of July rather
than in September (or, for that matter, October).