Celebrate Independence Day in Baja LasVegastan!
Webpage Guide
Come Celebrate! -- Place, Date, and Time -- Visas -- Events -- The Fine Print -- Last Year
Come Celebrate!
Every dog days of summer, the Benevolent Dictatorship of Baja LasVegastan celebrates its independence from the USA. Voof!
No, there are no fireworks. The Benevolent Dictator has forbidden them, having had his fill of pyrotechnics during his tour overseas (in a funny green uniform) back in 1970.
Place, Date, and Time
Place:
Come join us at our capital, Baja LasVegastan City (completely surrounded by the city of San Clemente)! Here's how to get here.
Date:
Independence day is observed on the Last Saturday of July. (Note how conveniently this is centered between the USA Independence Day and the USA Labor Day.) This celebration next occurs on Saturday, July 26, 2008.
Yes, this date has some issues, in that:
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Baja LasVegastan was actually founded on October 31, 4004 BC; and
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the traditional celebration of Baja LasVegastan Independence Day is on July 30, the date which appears on the birth certificate of the Benevolent Dictator.
Don't worry about it!
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Check out how Independence Day got switched from Late October to Late July
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This fine idea -- traditional vs. observed -- actually came from the USA! Just because the USA is going straight to hell in a hand-basket is no reason to reject some of its better ideas -- such as having "President's Day" be observed on the third Monday of February, regardless of the traditional days in February which appear on the birth certificates of both Washington and Lincoln. Hey, the Soviet Union always observed Lenin's -- and Stalin's -- Birthdays on the traditional days. And where is the Soviet Union now? Huh? Huh????????
Time:
Festivities begin at 8:00 PM.
Visas
Visas for Baja LasVegastan will be granted, as a matter of policy, to any respectable celebrant/alien.
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Visas are, of course, granted to old friends.
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And the Benevolent Dictator likes to make new friends! Be yourself, or provide an amusing shuck and jive. Of course, you'll be expected to continue with that S&J during the party if you go that route -- but why would you want to do anything else, considering the hot babes/dudes likely to be in attendance?
A visa fee will be collected from all celebrants/aliens at the frontier/front-door: a goofy, hand-written "Happy Independence Day!" card:
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suitable for sticking on the refrigerator door with a magnet;
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crayon on letter-sized blank paper is preferred.
Bribes (money, "birthday presents", and such like) will be summarily refused, and the briber will be denied entrance as an undesirable alien. However, a reciprocal invitation by the celebrant/alien to his/her next party is (by Benevolent Decree) deemed to not be a "bribe".
Events
Look at all of the many cool events that will take place!
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the serving of traditional Baja LasVegastani foods and beverages by the Benevolent Dictator;
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the reading and displaying of the Happy Independence Day! cards brought by the celebrants/aliens;
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the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag of Baja LasVegastan (conscientious objectors -- other than dual citizens/subjects -- may respectfully and quietly stand);
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the singing of the Baja LasVegastani national anthem, and of other appropriate songs;
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the awarding of pretty good (well, sort of) prizes to celebrants/aliens who:
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provide an alternative national motto:
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seeing as how the current one is pretty crappy, and
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the best motto will be selected by the Benevolent Dictator in his arbitrary, capricious, and final determination; or
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(under the same rules) provide an alternative tune to the current crappy tune of the national anthem; or
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(under the same rules) provide an alternative layout to the current crappy layout of the national flag; or
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(under the same rules) wear a suitable national costume:
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from their native land; or
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from France, left over from the celebrant/alien's Bastille Day celebration of a fortnight earlier;
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Nota bene: these contests have a way of being repeated from year to year (the winning entries from previous years looking pretty crappy this year); be prepared to compete this year regardless of how solid the victory appeared to be last year;
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the performance, in Housestan province, of traditional Baja LasVegastani folk dances, by one or more traditionally-dressed native Baja LasVegastani dancers;
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the performance, in BackPatiostan province, of the internationally famous Plainclothes Drill Team -- the highly-disciplined show unit of the Baja LasVegastan Imperial Benevolent Democratic People's Green Royal Republican Liberation Dictatorial Army:
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Field Marshal of the Armies Sir Jim-Bob the Third, Commanding; and
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maybe Sir Jim-Bob will use a broom or a rake instead of a rifle; or
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maybe a tiki torch; or
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suggestions?;
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the traditional Saturday-night services of The Mahatmalamalist Established Church of Baja LasVegastan:
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His Most Extremely Holy and Worshipful Jim-Bob the Third, Mahatmalama, presiding; and
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wouldn't you like to convert?;
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the serving of the ceremonial Independence Day cake and punch; and
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much other cool stuff!
The Fine Print
The Benevolent Dictator likes to keep on good terms with his neighbors across the border in the USA. Please keep the noise level down, especially after 11:00 PM.
Despite the party taking place during the "dog days", we have no dog. We do, however, have a resident-alien cat. We keep him confined to the back bathroom (with his litter box therein) during the party, but our pre-party cleanup will by no means have gotten rid of all of the cat hair. Keep this in mind if you have allergies.
Talk about nice things at the party!
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Conversations about Baja LasVegastani politics are encouraged. Conversations about other politics (and especially about USA politics, or California politics, or Mensa politics, or Bay Cliff Village politics) are strictly prohibited, and will punished by immersing the offender's feet in chocolate sauce.
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Conversations about Mahatmalamalism are encouraged. Conversations about other religions are strictly forbidden, and will punished by immersing the offender's feet in whipped cream.
Last Year
Last year, the Benevolent Dictatorship
was visited by UN Weapons Inspectors.
They found neither nukes nor anthrax, but did find Costumes of Mass Distraction.