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Celebrate Independence Day in Baja LasVegastan!
Webpage Guide
Come Celebrate! -- Place, Date, and
Time -- Visas -- Events -- Questions?
Come Celebrate!
Every summer, the
Benevolent Dictatorship of Baja LasVegastan celebrates its independence from the USA.
No, there are no fireworks.
-
The Benevolent Dictator,
Head-Man-First-In-Charge Jim-Bob the Third, has forbidden them.
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Under the name of
PFC Tom Streeter, he had his fill of pyrotechnics during his tour
overseas (in a funny green
uniform) back in 1970.
Place, Date, and Time
Place:
Come join us at our capital,
Baja LasVegastopolis (completely surrounded by the City of San Clemente)!
Here's how to get here.
Date:
Independence day is observed
on the Last Saturday of July.
(Note how conveniently this is centered between the
USA
Independence Day and the
USA Labor Day.) This celebration next occurs on Saturday, July 30,
2011.
Yes, this date has some issues, in
that:
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Baja LasVegastan was actually
founded on October 31, 4004 BC; and
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the traditional celebration of Baja LasVegastan Independence Day is on July
30, the date which appears on the birth certificate of the Benevolent Dictator.
Don't worry about it!
-
Check out how Independence Day
got switched from
Late October to Late July
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This fine idea -- traditional vs. observed -- actually came from the USA! Just because the USA is
going straight to hell in a hand-basket is no reason to reject some of its
better ideas -- such as having "President's Day" be observed on the
third Monday of February, regardless of the traditional days in
February which appear on the birth certificates of both Washington and Lincoln. Hey,
the Soviet Union always observed Lenin's -- and Stalin's -- Birthdays on the
traditional days. And where is the Soviet Union now? Huh?
Huh????????
Time:
Festivities begin at
3:00 PM and end at 6:00 PM..
Visas
Visas
for Baja LasVegastan will be granted at the frontier/front-door, as a
matter of policy, to any respectable celebrant/alien -- but only upon
presentation of the proper visa application. Three types of visa
applications will be honored:.
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For celebrants/aliens who prefer to obtain their visas in
advance, please send me an email which
includes the phrase "Happy Independence Day!" in the "Subject" line.
That email, itself, is your application. I'll print your email out and
magnet-stick it onto the refrigerator along with all of the other "Happy
Independence Day!" cards presented at the frontier/front-door.
- For celebrants/aliens who prefer paper to electrons, please arrive at the frontier/front-door with a goofy, hand-written, signed
"Happy Independence Day!" card:
- suitable for sticking on the refrigerator door with
a magnet; and
- crayon on
letter-sized blank paper is preferred; although
- magic marker on
paper napkin also works well for those who prefer the "bleed-through" look.
- For celebrants/aliens who procrasitate, crayons and
letter-sized blank paper will be available at the frontier/front-door.
Keep in mind that I'll be reading your visa applications out loud . You might want to be brief and amusing.
Bribes (money, "birthday presents", and such like) will be summarily refused,
and:.
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The briber will be denied entrance as an undesirable alien,
and/or
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will have his/her bare feet
publicly immersed in whipped cream as a
condition of entry.
However:
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a reciprocal
invitation by the celebrant/alien to his/her next party is (by Benevolent
Decree) deemed to not be a "bribe";
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nor is a small
hostess present, to The Goddess Kristine, of some food/beverage.
It is a condition of your visa that you act nice, or at least talk nice.
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The proper form of address for HMFIC Jim-Bob the Third, the Benevolent
Dictator is, "Your Benevolence" (or, third person, "His Benevolence").
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Well, that's in
civilian affairs. When he is acting as Field Marshal of the Armies of the Baja
LasVegastan Imperial Benevolent Democratic People's Green Royal Republican
Liberation Dictatorial Army, the proper form of address is, "Sir Jim-Bob".
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If you
talk politics (other than Baja LasVegastani politics), your bare feet will be
publicly immersed in whipped cream.
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And that goes
double for religion.
Events
3:00 PM:
A little
into the celebration:
A little
more into the celebration:
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The Ms. Baja
LasVegastan contest.
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The awarding of
pretty good prizes (well, sort of) to celebrants/aliens who:
Even more into the celebration: -
The presentation
of Patented Nobles.
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The investiture of those what have been granted a
Patent
of Nobility to Worthy Celebrants/Aliens.
If you have a preference
as to your title, please approach me over a beer and have a scheme that
would work (at least as you envision it) with available materials.
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Or
contact me in advance if you'd like a scroll,
ceremony, stole, headgear, or such like which requires at least some
advance
preparation.
Yet more
into the celebration:
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The performance
of traditional Baja LasVegastani folk dances, by one or more traditionally-dressed native Baja LasVegastani dancers.
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The performance
of the internationally famous Plainclothes Drill Team -- the
highly-disciplined show unit of the Baja LasVegastani Imperial
Benevolent Democratic People's Green Royal Republican Liberation Dictatorial
Army, Field Marshal of the Armies Sir Jim-Bob the Third, Commanding.
Near the
end of the celebration:
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The official
reading and displaying of the Happy Independence Day!
cards
brought or emailed by the celebrants/aliens.
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The
champagne toast, by the Benevolent Dictator, to the Benevolent
Dictatorship of Baja LasVegastan.
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The serving of
the ceremonial Independence Day cake.
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The
putting away of the
Whipped Cream.
Questions?
Please
contact me.
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