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Crumpets and Tea

And Probably Some Croquet

What - When - Where - Who - Why - CroquetCell Phone Policy



  • Crumpets and Tea are served. Join your fellow civilized-human-beings for a civilized-late-afternoon chat.

  • The former prohibition of chatting about politics or religion has been revoked. 
    • The chat must be civilized, of course.
    • If you use loud or coarse language, or discuss personalities rather than principles, then you will be taken aside and given a talking-to.
  • No RSVP; no door charge. 

  • We offer scones as well as crumpets. 

    • Who knew that there were so many scotiaphiles in Southern California? 

    • Aye, me sainted grandmother was, indeed, born in the auld country, in Lasswade, just south of Edinburgh. 

    • Aye, the scones tend to get eaten faster than the crumpets do.

    • Indeed, our usual supplier of crumpets has abandoned them in favor of scones. Please contact me if you know of a supplier in South Orange County!
  • Bring a friend or two!
  • We have a grand piano available. We have plenty of tea-appropriate music available or bring some of your own! No disco. No country-western. You get my drift.

  • This civilized tea party is usually preceded by an equally civilized round of croquet beforehand. See below for details.

  • A few of our guests bring goodies (home baked cookies or such). Most do not. Sure we do calories, but mostly we do conversation.


  • Always on the Third Sunday of the month. 

    • But only during some months. In July, for example, we have a gala celebration of Baja LasVegastan Independence Day instead of a tea party.

    • Here's the schedule for upcoming months:

      • Sunday, April 21, 2019: we're on.
      • Sunday, May 19, 2019: we're dark.
      • Sunday, June 16, 2019: we're on.
  • Arrive whenever you like, at or after 3 PM.

    • Tea is served at 4 PM. Tea time, by Jove! 


  • At our home in far-south Orange County.  

  • Here is how to get here, either by car or by Metrolink train. 

    • Give serious thought to taking Metrolink, whether from Oceanside (and parts south) or from San Juan Capistrano (and parts north). 
    • Metrolink has weekend deals which make the trip surprisingly affordable.
    • The 5 (and/or the 405) on a Sunday afternoon can be nasty.
    • Yes, we'll pick you up at the station, and drop you off when the party is over. It's a three-minute drive from our home (but a bit of a walk).


  • Your host: HBDM Jim-Bob the Third, the Benevolent Dictator of Baja LasVegastan
  • Your hostess (who does all of the work, and who still likes to play tea party just as much as she did when she was a four-year-old): The Goddess Kristine, who needs no further introduction.


Eliza Doolittle sang it best in Without You in My Fair Lady:

There'll be spring every year without you.

England still will be here without you.
There'll be fruit on the tree, and a shore by the sea.
There'll be crumpets and tea without you.
I can do without you.


  • Or bocce. Sometimes we play bocce. And sometimes we get to talking and brewing tea, and we forget to play either croquet or bocce.
  • We play between two and four individuals and/or teams.
  • Play begins between 3:00 PM and 3:15 PM on the large common lawn behind our home. 
    • We start when we have three croquet-playing guests, or at 3:15 if we have even two croquet-playing guests, whichever comes first. 
    • Later-arriving guests will be added to already-playing individuals/teams.
    • If we have only one croquet-playing guest at 3:15, then we fire up the tea pot early.
  • We play under Benevolent Dictatorship of Baja LasVegastan rules. Don't worry; the Benevolent Dictator will explain them to you as we start.
  • All mallets, wickets, stakes, and balls are provided.
  • Bad weather?
    • We and our guests step inside, and start sipping tea a bit early.
    • Please click here, maybe about noon on The Day Of The Event, for a reasonably reliable weather forecast.

  • Play continues for as long as the players feel like it.

    • If you prefer to continue to play after 4 PM, when the follow-on tea party formally begins, feel free.

    • If the first round of play finishes before 4 PM, then we might well fire up the tea pot a little early.

  • Genteel dispute as to who beat whom at croquet is expected at the follow-on tea. Genteel dispute, I say.

  • Dress code:

    • No, you are not expected to wear All White, and your host and hostess generally do not do so.

      • However, we welcome all civilized people for croquet, including Those Who Choose To Make A Statement By Wearing All White.

      • Perhaps guests who arrive at 4 PM for tea but not for croquet will inquire about your garb. What a conversation starter!

    • You might want to bring a hat.

      • That mid-afternoon sun can get intense, even in winter. If you didn't bring a hat, then you can borrow one of ours. 

      • Warning: Some of our hats are more, um ...,   fashionable/flattering than others.

      • All cameras must be checked at the door if a borrowed hat is in use.

Cell phone policy:

  • Cell phones are permitted. We ask only that you step away from the party and out onto the front porch before you remove your cell phone from your pocket or purse.


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